For those of you who don’t know, there was a very long time in my life, probably my entire life, where I was verbally beaten. Every thing I did, everything I enjoyed, everything that mattered to me was all one big joke. I came home from school went into my bedroom and hid until it was dinner time. I kept my mouth shut for most of my life out of fear I would get yelled at. As you can imagine in school I was the creepy kid who sat in the back and said nothing unless I absolutely had to.
When I was younger, all my sisters and I looked identical. More importantly, I looked just like my older sister to the point where everyone under the sun would call me by her name. It got so irritating that people didn’t know me for me. Especially people I saw frequently and who were related to me. Everyone would ask if I was doing the same activities as her which really annoyed me because I purposely went out of my way to do the exact opposite. One Thanksgiving I decided to chop off my hair under the dining room table so people would know the difference. As you can tell in the fabulous picture I was so angry at everyone. A few months ago when my sister found this picture she said I looked like a ghost of an angry pilgrim child. I can’t explain to you how frustrating it is to not be known for who you are by your own family. To this day, people still don’t know me. Real-life conversation:
Woman sits down on bleacher near me during an elementary school program: “Are you ‘insert sisters name here’?”
Me, quietly sitting by myself as I watch my younger sisters program: “No”
Woman in yoga pants that are way too tight: “Oh, you’re the other one.”
Me, secretly cursing this woman off: “Yeah, I’m Dylann.”
This is basically my life story. Everyone forgets my name or who I am because for the past twenty some years my mouth has been sealed shut. Now that I’m finally doing my own thing and expressing who I am, people are starting to get the message. I am not my sisters, I’m me.