I typed out an entire blog post then save it to my drafts out of fear of who will read it. I’m worried I’ll hurt people’s feelings so I decide once it’s all done to hit cancel. I cannot tell you how many posts I’ve deleted and they are all basically the same post written differently over and over again. Today I decided not to erase my post or send it to my drafts. Today I’m coming clean (I used to be a big Hilary Duff fan).
A few months ago I started this blog for myself. I was going to be candid and write whatever the fuck I wanted to. So today I am.
This has been the single most frustrating year of my life, and that comes from a long life of bullshit. I’m utterly exhausted mentally all the time to the point where I can’t concentrate on anything. I haven’t worked on edits in weeks because the passion I once had is slowly fading. It’s not fading because I’ve lost interest in the story or writing, but because of the negativity surrounding me. Honestly, I’m my head is floating just above the water at this point. If I could, I would scream at the top of my lungs until my face turned blue, but it’s useless. No matter how simple I make my words they never get heard. This my friends is why I write. Because in my world, the little tiny voices in my head, are screaming for a voice. You can’t shut my words out when they are written, you can’t make them go away like they’re nothing. They are real and they are me.
This year has been a lot of back and forth with my emotions and it’s starting to give me whiplash. I’ve never cried more in my life than I have over the past few months. I’m not here typing this all out for a sympathy card, I’m doing it to prove that my emotions are real. They aren’t teen bull shit because number one, I’m not a teenager and number two, just because you can’t understand someones feelings doesn’t make them go away.
It really never hit me why some teens rebel until recently either. I see why they get so frustrated now. People assume their problems are stupid and nothing more than a slight bump in the road. But to teenagers it’s more than that and having someone deny your problems is insane.
I wish people could just open up their minds a little more, the world would really be a better place.