Personal

What’s today?

It has been a while. I don’t think I’ve ever had a busier week in my entire life. The worst part is that there’s still so much I have to do, it’s like a never ending list. Is this what adulthood feels like? Because I don’t appreciate it.

In all honesty, my brain has been deep fired so I don’t even know what the intention of this post is. My summer reading so far has been going well, which is odd because I never really read. That being said, my first choice has been The Psychic Circle: Souls Entwined by D.L. Cocchio. I decided from now on I’m going to be ready indie authors for a while until something really sparks my interest in the traditional publishing world. So far, those have all been repeats besides the few I found through weird ways. Hopefully I will be able to start my next one (A Brief Stay at Earth Human Camp by Marie C. Collins) by July. After every one I will post reviews here for you guys to check them out.

Holy crap! I forgot today was father’s day. Well, now I have something to post about. Okay, so…here’s the thing. There are great dads in the world, as I’ve seen through facebook posts. There have been people throughout my life who have shown me that dads can be incredible. However, the way my childhood played out that wasn’t the case. For a long time I blamed one person or the other. For a long time I didn’t think twice about it. As of now, I’m at a point where I’m sad for my dad. There are times when I hate him for the crappy things he’s done and said. There are times when I cry, but I think about his life and…I can’t place my finger on it, but I understand.

My opinion could be 100% wrong, but this is just based off of what I’ve noticed. At one point in his life my dad was in the same position as me. He enjoyed playing music, had a band, and all that jazz. Then he went to college like he was supposed to, to get a career he didn’t want. (Again, I don’t know too much about my parents past so I could be wrong) When you’re young, everyone around you expects you to do what society expects from you. It’s essentially peer pressure, but with much bigger life choices.

School.

Career.

Marriage.

Kids.

Houses.

Cars.

The problem is, we end up doing these things because that’s what everyone else is doing and we reach a point where we realize, holy fuck what have I done. I’m not happy, this isn’t what I wanted and so on. And that’s how I look at my dad now. He’s angry at the people around him for not saying ‘you do what you want to do’ or ‘do what feels right’ So now, he’s bitter and I get it.

On Monday, I spoke to a woman about how I didn’t go to school and she said, without hesitation “That was a bad choice.” This woman didn’t know me, she didn’t know I had written two books, or anything else about me. It’s comments like this that push people into doing shit they don’t want to. And yeah, maybe I made a bad choice, but I’d rather be happy now making that choice than conforming to what everyone else wants.

And guess what, after my parents divorced, my dad went back to his music. Some people aren’t meant to have children and that’s fine. I found a picture of my grandma and my dad when he was younger and happy, it makes me sad. Because at one point he was happy and now he’s not. A lifetime can change so much.

I don’t know if this even made sense to anyone. Just my thoughts. Hopefully anyone out there with a difficult situation can relate or maybe this helps you. Maybe one day we’ll all be free to do as we please and not live a crippling society.

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