Personal · Rant

Nothing’s more frustrating…


There was a time when I thought my life would turn around and it would actually begin the way I wanted it to. It was after high school when I rediscovered my love for writing, this was after taking a gap year followed by some college courses I quickly turned away from. A year went by of almost everyone asking me about what I was going to do with my life. I finally found the answer in my writing, I feel in love and wanted nothing more than to do it for the rest of my life. Jump three years later, my trilogy is wrapping up, I still have so many ideas I wish to explore, but I’m back to that time after high school.

The time when everyone starts asking me again what I’m going to do with my life. Maybe I could be this or that, maybe I should try this or take that class. I will be the first one to tell you NOTHING will compare for my love of writing. I don’t mean writing advertisements for some billboard or being an editor to pay the bills, I mean writing my own ideas down. My characters, my stories. There’s nothing that kills me more than the idea of leaving something I love.

For years I had to turn myself off and become this robot of a person. I had no real interests or hobbies. My mind wasn’t focused on myself, but on the world I was living in. Now its almost like I’m restarting which sounds easy, but it’s the opposite. I have to figure out on my own what interests me and what I enjoy. So far all I have is writing and travelling. Two things that a nearly impossible to do without money. DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM!!!!!?

Do you ever feel like you’re standing in the middle of a field shouting for guidance and no one hears you? That’s the only way I’ve been able to describe my frustration.

With all this aggravation, I began to read this book about where you are now vs where you want to be. I’m only sixteen pages in and it keeps reiterating that you can only blame yourself for your problems. I feel like it’s just telling me ‘this is all your fault’. I’m hoping that’s not its intention…

Every time I think about this stuff, I wonder if there are more people like this. I can’t be the only one, God I hope not.


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