Sometimes I feel like there are too many people all trying to do the same thing all at once. It’s just a cluster fuck of a world. It makes me wish that times were simpler and people hadn’t corrupted what life actually is. Life is art and it’s beautiful. This world that we find ourselves in has forgotten that, has forgotten what it means to be free. A lot of the time when I’m working a lot for a short amount of time my mind goes stir crazy. My thoughts get clouded and I get wrapped up in my own insanity. Those days are terrible but then I have days like today where the storm has past and my thoughts are clear.
Since I’ve finished my trilogy, I’ve moved on to something different. It is very different, in my opinion, from what I’ve done before. Half the time I’m sitting and writing and loving every minute of it then the next minute all I want to do is watch my work burn.
This time writing is hard, not because I don’t have a story or anything. I have the story. A good story. This time I wanted to write it differently from third person. After reading a really good first person I decided to give it a whirl. The draft is complete, I’m satisfied with the way it turned out so far, but I found that the people surrounding me aka my beta readers don’t like it.
So what did I do?
I went back to scratch to see what I could fix, what didn’t work. And here I am working on rewrites. Rewrites aren’t the problem. The problem is this constant need I have to have someone tell me what I’m doing is right. Because if I don’t have that, I feel like I have nothing. All I need is one person’s approval. One. I could search high and low for that one person, but I’m not going to until the story surpasses my betas. Even if that means I have to flip the entire story from first person back to third person which is what I started doing.
I hate myself for this need, I really do.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I love the story just as much as I loved my first one. I get excited thinking about it. My mind can just wander off into a scene at any moment and watch two characters interact with one another. That’s how I build the story, I just think about it and see what’s organic by what pops into my head. Hopefully, this story will be great because I think it will be.
Hopefully, that’s enough.