The title of this post just popped in my head before I even knew what I was going to write about and then my brain flared and I realized just how perfectly inappropriate it was for what I wanted to write about.
For the past few months I’ve been trying and mostly failing to figure out my newest book. Every time I think I have it, I don’t. Every time I get a brain storm it turns into a complete brain fart and I end up sitting and starring at my computer for hours on end just thinking. Can you image? Just sitting at nothing but images you compiled for a character and there’s nothing. It is both exhausting and frustrating at the same time.
So, the day the dog died.
October 31st, 2015
It’s Halloween. The sky is grey and it’s chilly outside, but not chilly enough for trick or treating. Instead of waking up to sneak a candy before breakfast my phone rings and I answer it without a single cup of coffee running through my blood yet. The dog has died, that’s what my mom told me over the phone. As you can image, I freeze. I don’t know what to do with this information. (As a side note I’m a Scorpio, lover of death and destruction.) And part of me just sits in bed thinking ‘okay well I can’t make her undead’ which is a very mean thing to think, but I did. The other part of me, the part that took some time to wake up to thought ‘oh fuck, it’s Halloween, my families favorite holiday, this is awful’.
The day went on. It ended up being a quiet day, but somehow everyone kind of pulled themselves together and decided to go trick or treating to get away from the house where we were down one dog. I stayed behind because I had editing to do for my second book. Weirdly, enough most people hate editing and sometimes I do too, but I like working too much on something I love that I didn’t care. I sat upstairs listening to Dead Man’s Bones (which is the best halloweenesc band) and started working.
Don’t ask me why, BUT, an idea popped into my head. One that I really liked. One that intrigued me.
That was in 2015.
Jump three years later and I’m here, trying, trying, trying to put the piece together. It’s been on the back burner for three years and back then I thought to myself ‘once I finish this trilogy I’ll just write this’. WRONG. Even though it’s been on my mind for a while, it’s still not ready, not the way I want it.
Sometimes I think about how with the Storm Trilogy I just wrote it. It just happened. But it didn’t. I knew I wanted to write a story about faeries when I was ten. I knew I wanted to write about a girl like me when I was a teenager. I tried writing a story after high school that ended terrible and I had to stop it was sooo bad. Then a year later when I came back to it, it happened. Just like magic.
This whole time I took off from writing posts or tweets or whatever I’ve been trying to push myself for nothing. It doesn’t work. Maybe for some writers it does. Maybe some writers have an easier time then I do writing. I’m slower, I take my dandy ass time, but when I have something good, I fucking know it.
That’s the feeling I get when I think about all the shit that’s going to happen in my new book. It’s not written yet, not even close, but I know when it’s done I’m going to be so proud.
So to you, my fellow writers. Whether you’re aspiring, not aspiring, not even interested in writing done a grocery list, I tell you, it will happen. When it’s time, it will happen. Until then, put your energy into another project.